150 x 210mm, 52 pages, Colour printing, Perfect bound, Softcover, 2023

This is a very personal story, a visual exploration into motherhood and postnatal depression.

I have “started” this work two years ago, as a way to cope with the overwhelming feeling of being alien and out of place.

It is a collection of photographs i took on my phone. It was the only thing that kept me sane, somehow connected me to the outside world, made me forget about the paradoxical endless sense of loneliness that motherhood brought. It was as much as I could carry at that time, both mentally and physically, my phone camera. I left my job, I couldn’t socialize, and couldn’t really live a life. And I am not even saying normal life here, a life, any life.

These images were my attempt to digest the idea of being a mother while also being depressed, the idea of continuing something without the option of quitting, the idea of me as mother and the relationship to the outside world, which seemed completely alien to me.

Don’t get me wrong, having my daughter was the best gift life gave me.

She is perfect and my love for her is endless. I am not perfect. The society is not perfect. The way we care about mothers and parents, the way we see mothers is not perfect.

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